Today's dish is best served old
Watford, it seems, is like one of those equatorial African countries. You know, one of the ones where the local formal economy is so askew that supermarkets are full of fruit imported from Europe. Watford, you see, have one of the most progressive youth development systems in England – and yet we learn today that the top transfer targets for their new Italian owner are Pippo Inzaghi and Alessandro Del Piero. Feel free at this point to wonder aloud whether Gianfranco Zola has been hired as a player rather than manager and to make hilarious wisecracks about imminent swoops for Bruno Conte, Gigi Riva and Sophia Loren.
Speaking of Italian screen legends of advancing years, that's pretty much how Dimitar Berbatov sees himself; and it looks like he could move closer to his vocation by agreeing to a move to Milan.
Rafael van der Vaart won't be agreeing to a move any time soon because, according to the Sun, he's determined to stay at White Hart Lane to make love and war, the all-action wildman. "RVD LOVES AVB" carves the Sun onto the dead tree forming its back page before going on to explain excitedly that Van der Vaart foresees a ferocious battle for the Premier League's top spots next seasons but strongly fancies the "good plans" that the Portuguese manager has for him, though he does not specify whether it involves an unfamiliar role as someone who regularly playing whole matches.
Staying in London, as gridlock demands we must, Chelsea hope that the captain of Spain Olympic football team will be so enamoured by the incessant rain and relentless whinging about traffic that he will want to set up permanent home in the capital. A bid for 22-year-old right-back César Azpilicueta is ready and set to go. As for a fee, Marseille have reputedly said that they want more than the €7m that they paid to Osasuna for him a couple of years back. Chelsea, then, will go over €6m – at least that seems to be the approach they are taking with Victor Moses, as Chelsea have had a third bid for the burly forward rejected by Wigan, whose valuation they have so far refused to meet.
Barcelona, meanwhile, are refusing to meet Athletic Bilbao's valuation of Javi Martínez, so will turn their intention instead to Daniel Agger of Liverpool, who will use the funds form that transfer to buy Javi Martínez from Athletic Bilbao.
Regurgitating tittle-tattle is the Mill's forte, confused readers, not arithmetic. Roman Lukaku could be about to move clubs but not houses: Martin Jol wants the Belgian striker to join Fulham from Chelsea. Meanwhile, Bafetimbi Gomis has let it be known that he has decided to move to Tottenham and will instead stay at Lyon, when it is more likely that AVB did that deciding.
Kolo Touré does not feature prominent in Manchester City's plans for next season. Saudi Arabian club Al Hilal do not feature prominently in Touré's plans for next season, but, according to the Daily Mirror, his people have hinted that could change if the Saudis cross his palm with £50,000-per-week after tax plus a house, free flights and two cars. If they could provide a straight face for him to wear as a disguise, that would also be appreciated.
Paul Lambert is readying himself for the challenge of trying to get Aston Villa to finish above Norwich next season by preparing a bid for Feyenoord centre back Ron Vlaar. "Joining Aston Villa would be a dream come true," Vlarr is reported as saying in what must surely be the latest example of a player's words being severely mistranslated.
Martin O'Neill, however, has taken this as his cue to try to prise James Collins from Villa Park.
WBA and Everton are interested in Costa Rican defender Bryan Oviedo, who Manchester United have been monitoring.
Ajax are interested in Blackburn defender Scott Dann, who Ajax must not have stopped monitoring before he left Birmingham. Read More
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