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Today's fluff is brought to you by a rota-change

If the Rumours were whacked out in three-and-a-half minutes due to an in-house clerical error, they would look something like this:

Manchester United will sign Lucas Moura.

Luka Modric will join Paris Saint-Germain.

Craig Bellamy is going to QPR.

Joey Barton will sign for Blackburn Rovers.

Kolo Touré is off to Bursaspor.

Steven Pienaar will rejoin Everton.

Liverpool will attempt to persuade Maxi Rodríguez to stay, and not leave for Newell's Old Boys.

Tottenham Hotspur will spend £16m on Atlético Madrid striker Adrián.

Jermain Defoe is off to Reading.

Order post-it notes, paper clips and staples.

Oh, and a highlighter pen.

Rafael van der Vaart is leaving for Hamburg.

Carlos Tevez is doing one to Milan.

Florent Malouda is going to Botafogo.

Pick up PAYE form P45.


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