LATE BREAKING NEWS THAT SCUPPERS OUR DEADLINES ... LATE BREAKING NEWS THAT SC...
Kenny Dalglish has left Liverpool in an outrageous move that effs with our attempts to get this email out on time. "I've always had it in for a certain tea-time email for making cruel remarks about Andy Carroll. Oh, and Stewart Downing," Dalglish didn't say. "Now I have timed my revenge to perfection," he didn't cackle wildly.
SAME AS IT EVER WAS
You wouldn't let someone like Simon Cowell pick the England squad but apparently it's OK for someone like Simon Cowell to impose restrictions on the England squad. And all other squads. It's a stunt, this 23-man quota lark, designed to create suspense and grandstanding cut-offs. There is no sporting reason why countries should be restricted in the number of players they take to tournaments: if Spain wanted to take all 400 of their world class players and England wanted to travel only with their two and nine clingers-on, then they should be allowed to make those strategic choices – and deal with the logistic and man-management conundrums that they, like bored footballers on a night out, would inevitably throw up. But Uefa insists on the 23-man gimmick and so today the ever-dutiful Roy Hodgson unveiled the lions that he hopes will not fluff.
The most striking thing his selection told us was that although Hodgson endured a harrowing time at Anfield, where he never looked at home, he is clearly a Liverpool man at heart after all. For not only did he give places to the much-maligned Kop flops Stewart Downing and Andy Carroll, he also called up Glen Johnson, put Jordan Henderson on standby and awarded the captaincy to Steven Gerrard. To crown it all, he left out Manchester-based hopefuls such as Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick, Micah Richards and Adam Johnson. Naturally, many suspected that the omission of Ferdinand was down to his beef with England's Brave and Loyal John Terry rather than any Liverpool-Manchester ballyhoo, but Hodgson claimed that neither consideration was a factor. "I selected EBLJT for footballing reasons and I left out Rio Ferdinand for footballing reasons," proclaimed Hodgson, who said concerns about EBLJT's forthcoming trial were not taken on board because the player "is innocent until such time as he is proven guilty."
Disappointingly, Hodgson did not disclose whether his new defensive coach, Gary Neville, had any input into these decisions.
Before today's announcement, several blowhards insisted Hodgson should take a new broom to the England set-up but with three of the countries brightest young things out injured – Jack Wilshere, Kyle Walker and Chris Smalling - he hardly had enough bristles to make a juvenile moustache let alone a broom. He did, however, call up the few remaining youngsters who deserved a place, including Arsenal whelp Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who, along with Norwich goalkeeper John Ruddy, is one of the two uncapped players to make the cut. "He's one of those players who can play out wide or in the middle," gushed Hodgson of the Ox, who left Daniel Sturridge on the standby list, where the Chelsea forward may be well advised to pass the time by attempting to thrash out the self-indulgent streak that makes him such a frustrating player.
The Fiver would have liked to see some more midfield passers in the squad, such as Carrick, Danny Murphy or Leon Britton but other than that it seems a reasonable bunch. England's chances of winning Euro 2012 are about the same today as they were yesterday ...
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"It's a great achievement but we've achieved nothing yet" – Simon Grayson celebrates Huddersfield Town's League One play-off semi-final victory by writing the punchline for us.
FIVER LETTERS
"May I be the first pedant to point out that Roberto Mancini's 101% confidence in Mario Balotelli is actually closer to 8% down on the usual 110% backing dished out by managers rather than the 9% suggested in yesterday's Fiver. It would also have been correct to point out that it was 9 percentage points down, but not 9%" – Tom Taylor (and 8% of Fiver reading pedants).
"I have to admit I was left a little shocked at Mike Hopkin's comments regarding Mark Bosnich and Robbie Slater's punditry on Fox Sports (yesterday's Fiver). Not so much in what he claimed they had said but more so for the fact that unlike thousands of other football fans here in Australia he didn't get up to go to the bathroom, put the kettle on, leave the room, or stare aimlessly out of a window the very second either one of those two began talking" – Flavio L'Abbate.
"In reply to Tom Heaton (yesterday's Fiver) if M Night Shyamalan is the appropriate director for Man City's title win then next season will be a quick descent into mediocrity and hackneyed storylines. So in other words, a return to the old City we know and love. Inflatable bananas ahoy!" – Peter Wilson.
"Re: Mark Judd's theory about the Guardian's defeat to the Daily Mail (yesterday's Fiver). Given recent experience, I would suggest that maybe the Guardian got pulled too much to the centre, which allowed the right-wingers to run amok?" – David O'Leary.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
BITS AND BOBS
The Borussia Dortmund midfielder Shinji Kagawa has confirmed that he and Sir Alex Ferguson wagged their chins of late. "It was good to meet and actually talk to him," gasped Kagawa. "He had some nice things to say to me."
Tim Cahill is "disgusted". "Disgusted" at war, famine and the global economic crisis but most of all he is "disgusted" at the language used by Yohan Cabaye. "My reaction at the end of the game was out of character but I was disgusted at comments made to me by Cabaye. I don't wish to elaborate on the exact detail of what was said but his words have no place either on or off the football pitch," harrumphed the former Samoa U-17 star.
The Queen's Celtic manager reckons Gary Hooper's 29 goals in Big Vase merits him a place in the England squad. "I would like to hope Roy would take him into consideration. If you look at his goalscoring record and his play in general, it has been very good," said Lennon without even so much as a hint of a snigger. Breaking news: Roy didn't consider him.
The Bolton chairman Phil Gartside has been to his local branch of B&Q and bought a Fiskars Large Power Gear Anvil Lopper to help him cut Bolton's wage bill in half after their last-day relegation to the Championship. To help that cut, Owen Coyle's side will operate a strict youth policy which means no more Jay-Jay Okochas, Ivan Campos or, erm, Michael Ricketts.
STILL WANT MORE?
Dominic Fifield is a solitary man who is rarely seen in Guardian Towers, which is why you should pop into his five talking points on the England squad blog and help him improve his social skills.
Ever wondered which matches have been delayed by a lack of corner flags? Didn't think so. But here's the Knowledge with the answer anyway.
And three days after the event, Paul Wilson has just about managed to pick his jaw up off the floor to voice these 10 reasons on why this Premier League season has been the best ever.
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THE COMPOSITE WAR STEPS UP ANOTHER NOTCH
انسخ الكود التالى و ضعه فى موقعك او مدونتك.
