ROVERS AND OUT
Sharp-eyed readers interested in high-end, intellectual concepts such as "current affairs", "human rights" and "other countries" may have noted something called the Arab Spring of late, a peaceful movement utilising mass protests, FaceSpace, YouTubes and The Twitter to overthrow unpopular regimes. Well, never let it be said that the people of these isles can't do the same because last night we witnessed the culmination of the Blackburn Spring. Although it actually started in the autumn. And instead of a bloodthirsty dictator, the people of Blackburn are a bit angry at a perturbed bald man in a raincoat. And there's some fried chicken involved too.
With a visit from the new Barcelona, Wigan, on the cards last night Blackeye Rovers fans knew the world would be watching so they launched their very own Tahrir Square. Their first target was Indian chicken magnates and Blackeye Rovers owners, Venky's. A chicken draped in a Rovers flag was released on to the pitch, immediately exposing the hypocrisy of the regime and in no way just making people fancy some delicious chicken fingers. Later on during the 1-0 defeat that confirmed Rovers' relegation, a fan ran on to the pitch and gave it the Big I Am by burning his season ticket, an act made slightly less dramatic by the fact that it was the final home game of the season, and he did it in front of Roberto Martinez.
Of course, it's perfectly legitimate for fans to display their anger at a failing club but the Fiver can't help but think that by booing their manager at any given opportunity from the start of the season, Blackeye Rovers supporters – no matter how badly let down they have been by Venky's – may have helped create an atmosphere that contributed to the team's downfall.
Meanwhile in India, Rovers' relegation was causing shockwaves. Very small shockwaves. "Venky's has not invested in Indian football … Apart from one exhibition match between Pune FC and the club, [Blackeye] Rovers has in no way contributed for Indian football," yawned All India Football Federation vice president Subrata Dutta. "So we are not bothered about their relegation."
Oh, and if you're wondering what happened to the chicken …
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I was very upset when he gave me the card and I blamed him. Then he asked me to show my number. I turned to him and did it. But I did not intend to imitate Michael Jackson" – Sport Recife defender Tobi responds after appearing to moonwalk in protest at being booked against Santa Cruz during a game in Brazil.
AN-FIELD OF ZZZZZZZZZZ
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. It's safe to say then that the serving Chelsea may get from Liverpool this evening won't be particularly appetising. Temperature-wise it's probably just at that point where you're torn over whether you're prepared to wait the extra 60 seconds or so it'll take to microwave those beans or simply tuck into them in their lukewarm state. (And, if you're anything like the Fiver, although you know that you'll enjoy them all the more if you whack them in at full power for a minute, you simply dig in and munch them down immediately. While standing up in the kitchen. Over the sink. Or, more likely, the bin. In your underpants. At 11am. Weeping.)
We, like someone who has spilled red wine over a thriving hamlet near Back on the Isle of Lewis in Scotland and failed to adequately clean it, digress. Liverpool and Chelsea, of course, face off tonight in the least eagerly anticipated sequel since Aladdin II: The Return of Jafar in what they're calling the match-to-see-if-Chelsea-will-have-a-hope-of-finishing-in-a-Big-Cup-qualifying-place-they-may-not-need.
"It would be fitting if we could finish off at home with a victory," said Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish, ignoring the fact that, given the Reds' record at Anfield this season, a frustrating 1-0 defeat in which they dominate, hit the post, go behind then send Andy Carroll on in a desperate last-ditch attempt to salvage something from the game might actually be more apt. "It would be a little bit of solace for the punters who have given us tremendous support throughout the season if we could get a win."
Liverpool will finish somewhere between seventh and 10th whatever the result at Anfield. Chelsea, though, could still conceivably finish third if they win tonight and beat Blackeye Rovers at the weekend in their 378th game of the season. Despite their energy-sapping campaign Juan Mata has shrugged off thoughts of tiredness. "I have plenty of energy left," he said as he skipped uncontrollably on the spot, lifted several cars and jogged off for a 30-minute Zumba session. "It is a long season and my first in England, but the benefits of winning easily outweigh the fatigue."
• Join Simon Burnton from 7.30pm for live MBM coverage of Liverpool 0-1 Chelsea.
FIVER LETTERS
"Re: Tim Pike's smarmy correction that KPI is actually just a 'lowly' abbreviation and not, as Phil Mclean (Friday's Fiver letters) suggested, an acronym. Could I, along with 1,056 other pedants, in turn, correct Tim that KPI in fact represents another subset of abbreviation, the slightly loftier alphabetism, or initialism if you'd like. Can we end this now please?" – James Thompson (and 1,056 others).
"Re: the Fiver's mistaken Jason Pearce identity (Friday's Bits and Bobs). I think I can speak for most (Nasty) Leeds supporters in saying that we'd happily take Jason Pierce, frontman of Spiritualized, as part of our new Warnock 2012-13 Championship surviving squad construction. Or Neighbours' Guy Pearce for that matter" – Roger Mart.
"May I point out that claiming to be published every weekday and then taking a Monday off 'because it's a holiday' may well be false advertising. What next? EastEnders as reality TV? David Cameron playing the D1ck van Dyke part in Mary Poppins? James Dart making a correct betting prediction? Poor show, very poor show" – Phil Withall.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
BITS AND BOBS
Barcelona defender Carles Puyol is set to miss Euro 2012 after suffering knee-knack. "It's impossible for Puyol to recover in time. No way," game-over-man-game-overed Spain No2 Toni Grande [Big Tony? – Fiver Ed].
Nick Barmby has been sacked as Hull City manager after, according to the club, he "unjustifiably cast public doubt on the honesty and integrity of the board and its members".
Las Vegas is set to stage the most money pre-season friendly in history between Real Madrid and Juventus on 5 August.
St Johnstone's Derek Riordan has been arrested following an alleged disturbance outside a trendy Edinburgh nightspot.
And Swindon boss Paolo Di Canio has gone down in the Fiver's estimation after singing with Toploader at Party on the Pitch at the County Ground over the weekend. Click, if you dare.
STILL WANT MORE?
Roy Hodgson stars as an owl, Tom Cruise and 'Arry Redknapp's bete noire in this week's Gallery.
In-depth analysis of Armenian playmakers? TICK! References to the socio-political history of Romania? TICK! Lots of long words? TICK! TICK! And TICK! It can only be Jonathan Wilson's look at eastern European football.
And Thursday was a poor man's Friday until Big Vase came along and made it everyone's favourite late-midweek day, writes Kevin McCarra of a final that's now taking place on a Wednesday.
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'COUGHING'? REALLY?
انسخ الكود التالى و ضعه فى موقعك او مدونتك.
