Today's chicanery should have worn a jumper
Chelsea continue to attract only the least loveable of politicians. David Mellor's kit-clad antics are well known; George Osborne is "proud to be a true blue"; and on Sunday Robert Mugabe added his own name to that role of honour. Speaking to the former Zimbabwe and Portsmouth ace Benjani Mwaruwari at the player's testimonial in Harare – the striker's career considered worthy not just of a single match, but an entire two-day festival – the despot revealed: "I am a Chelsea and Barcelona supporter and I always want them to score."
Mugabe also said, perhaps less surprisingly given what we know about his far-from-peaceloving nature, that watching football provoked him into bouts of violence, during which he would kick anything that gets in his way. These rages are so savage that "even my wife knows where to sit" during matches, presumably having occasionally been on the receiving end of the presidential boot. "I do not want anyone to disturb me," he said. "When they are scoring on the field I will also be scoring at home, kicking everything in front of me." As a Chelsea man who spends entire matches artlessly and aimlessly booting whatever passes by an apparently random and disorganised fashion, he must have particularly appreciated the tactical stylings of Andre Villas Boas, who had remarkably similar ideas about how the game should be played.
Talking of Chelsea, Branislav Ivanovic says he's being courted by former Blues boss José Mourinho. "I know there is an interest from Madrid, who are following me," he said. "I'm very happy with Chelsea. A change is complicated. I am very happy in London." Sergio Agüero meanwhile has rubbished rumours that he would relish rerouting to Real. "There are always rumours, but there is no truth in them," he said. "I am not thinking about moving to Real Madrid or anywhere else."
Managerless West Bromwich Albion will open talks with Chris Hughton this week, having already chatted to Claudio Ranieri, Ray Wilkins and Alan Curbishley. Managerless Liverpool will open talks with Brendan Rodgers this week, having already chatted to Roberto Martínez and Louis van Gaal. Rodgers hasn't just been sitting about idly waiting for the phone call, mind – he's been busy on Swansea business, lining up a club-record-doubling £7.2m deal with Hoffenheim for Gylfi Sigurdsson, the dynamite-booted midfielder who was such a hit on loan last season. Personal terms will be discussed this week. Back at Anfield, meanwhile, the absence of a manager or in all likelihood the massive transfer fund required to sign them hasn't stopped Liverpool being linked in Italy with a double swoop for Napoli's Ezequiel Lavezzi and Edinson Cavani.
Players staying up even though their club has gone down dept: Tottenham have their eye on Wolves pair Matt Jarvis and Steven Fletcher. Players staying down even though their club has gone up dept: Reading striker Simon Church is a target for Bolton, Leicester and Brighton. The Royals are keen on wrestling Newcastle for the luxury of signing Watford centre-back Adrian Mariappa. And Southampton will bid £2m plus Jason Puncheon in an attempt to sign Tom "son of Paul" Ince from Blackpool.
After snapping up the Leeds captain Jonny Howson in January, Norwich are after the Yorkshire side's star winger Robert Snodgrass this summer, with a bid of £1.4m considered potentially enough to lure the 24-year-old, who is down to the last year of his contract.
Manchester United didn't leave it at the Nevilles – they've got another pair of sibling starlets coming through the ranks and they might be just as good as the first lot. Will Keane is a striker who is considered a red-hot prospect and is wanted on loan by more than a dozen teams including Stoke in the Premier League, while his twin brother Michael is a centre-half by trade who is wanted by, um, Blackburn Rovers. Since Blackburn are also one of the horde chasing Will, and Sir Alex Ferguson seemed fairly sympathetic to the plight of Steve Kean last season, they hope they might complete an unusual a loan one, loan one free arrangement. Read More
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