برنامج Hotspot Shield | برنامج Internet Download Manager | برنامج كاسبر سكاى | برنامج جوجل كروم | تحميل فايرفوكس

Today's fluff has taken the required number of steps

Today's Daily Mirror has an EXCLUSIVE that even in the throes of its own frothingly EXCLUSIVE back page rumour-gush still has the air of a feint, a stalking horse, an uber-agent's rather clumsily executed double-stepover. "Van Persie's Agent In Juve Talks ... The Italian giants will make a determined effort to sign the Dutch striker and are prepared to pay in excess of £25m," the Mirror reports. Which is a nice idea, but is still a bit like The Mill announcing it is all set to make "a determined effort" to buy a 17th floor glass and steel duplex penthouse apartment with padded white leather double garage and a bathroom made entirely from 16th-century parmesan cheese featuring the latest triple-jet bowel-sluice Jacuzzi room technology. And The Mill is "prepared" to pay at least £14.99 to seal the deal. As the Mirror points out, by an entirely unexpected coincidence Van Persie is also currently in the process of negotiating a new mega-deal to stay at Arsenal. Real Madrid, Barcelona, Manchester City, both the Milan clubs and ludicrous Gallic moneybags Paris Saint-Germain are all interested.

Also in the Mirror Sir Alex Ferguson has confirmed that he did indeed go and have a look at much-touted Old Testament temptation Eden Hazard when Lille played Lyon last month. "I was at the game and watched Hazard, as well as other players," Ferguson told French radio, before looking down to realise, for the first time, that he is naked and covering his shame with a padded nylon sports-figleaf. United, City and the usual boiler plate hopefuls are all keen on Hazard, who is rated at £30m by his talking snake.

Newly-promoted Thames Valley mini-power Reading are "planning a £38m double swoop" for Wilfried Zaha and Nathaniel Clyne of Crystal Palace. Beefy schemer Zaha is valued at £6m. Clyne, who is an excellent right-back, is in the early stages of small-club contract-rundown and could go for £2m in the end.

Wolves say they are in "no rush" to sell Kevin Doyle, a statement slightly undermined by the fact that they've only been relegated three days and it is they, Wolves, who are already bringing up the subject of selling Kevin Doyle, frankly a propos of not much. "We need to address the managerial position at the end of the season, and then, once that's resolved, address the playing situation," Jez Moxey has said, a man juggling many situations, including the juggling the many situations situation, which is in itself a separate and fully-formed situation, worthy of its own situations situation situation within the general scheme of Moxey-situation resolving.

Meanwhile Martin O'Neill will attempt to sign at least one new striker this summer. "Of course it's a position that you would be looking at," O'Neill mused yesterday, holding up a large hand-painted sign with the words "Nicklas Bendtner, Fraizer Campbell, Ji Dong-won and Connor Wickham" all crossed out in red marker pen.

According to the Daily Mail, Manchester City are playing with their hair and casting a series of smouldering sideways glances at Napoli goal-dreamboat Edinson Cavani. Cavani is rated at £40m, can play as a main or support striker and has the piercing brown eyes of a handsome Latino love-Tarzan. Chelsea are also keen. O'Neill's striker-frenzy could be resolved by shelling out six packets of Skips to secure the services of Bolton strike-lunk Kevin Davies, who will be a free agent in the summer.

The massed suitors of Swansea's on-loan Icelandic midfield sensation Gylfi Sigurdsson have been told to stump up £10m if they want to buy him from Hoffenheim. Manchester United, Liverpool, Newcastle and Everton are all keen. And Manuel Almunia says he is "too lazy" to leave London when he's finally crowbarred out of Arsenal this summer, news that will no doubt set pulses racing among the many top London football clubs currently in need of an unreliable ageing Spanish goalkeeper with mildly noteworthy hair who can't be bothered to move house.

In today's Sun, Roman Abramovich has identified the one remaining obstacle to Chelsea finally winning the Champions League: he hasn't been throwing enough money at it. Chelsea's impoverished players will now be offered a £350,000 bonus for winning their next two European matches, finally allowing them to concentrate solely on football rather than worrying about how the car's going to get through its next MOT.

And according to goal.com Michael Ballack has told German TV station ZDF he could be off to the MLS in the summer in search of a final paycheque (which is German for "challenge"). "The fire is still burning," Ballack said, skimming through the latest issue of Fancy Bavarian Retirement Summerhouses Gazette. The New York Red Bulls, the Houston Fatbuckets and the Arkansas Chicken Zinger Meal Deals could all be interested.


guardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds


Read More

هل تريد وضع المحتوى السابق فى موقعك او مدونتك مجانا؟؟
انسخ الكود التالى و ضعه فى موقعك او مدونتك.

موضوعات عشوائية

الارشيف